Really missing her

Ok, for all of you who think this is another post by Piper saying how much it still hurts SURPRISE! it's Cat saying how much it still hurts.

I didn't know Kim as long as some but over that far too short time I got to know her quite well and spend some time with her (it'll never ever be enough). Some of the best times of my life were with Piper and Kim in New Jersey and in Indiana.

People say "in time it gets better", I always thought that in time it hurts less but now I'm not so sure. Since Christmas Kim has been in my thoughts more than ever and while I wouldn't say I feel as bad as I did when she passed it's pretty darn close.

I'm pretty sure Piper mentioned the trip that we took to Walt Disney World the November after Kim passed, it was as good as it could be without her there too. That was where Piper found the Kingdom Keepers books by Ridley Pearson, I think Kim would have been all over them and we'd be discussing all the goings on.

I miss talking to her about trains. it's not that I can't talk to other people about trains, I can and I do, and if she were still with us she would know most of what I was going to say already.

I miss talking to her about Bond. I know the films quite well, for my sins I could list them in order, the 'official' EON pictures and the unofficial ones, who sung the theme and stuff like that but Kim knew the books too.

I miss talking to her about music. I thought my tastes were eclectic but hers were even broader.

I miss talking to her about stuff.

I've got stuff I want to talk to her about, need to talk to her about and I can't and it hurts

Hugs

Cat

IT's Been a While...

Wow, it's been a while since I posted here and I'm sorry for that.

It's not that I haven't been thinking of Kim much, because honestly that's quite the opposite.

When I go to my LG camp every year, we do Memory Stars... We go around the table once or twice, sometimes, 3 times or even more, and write down names on a post it star, and put them on a message board above the head of the diningroom table where we eat.

These are the names of people that for whatever reason, could no longer be with us. When it comes to us, we stand up, we say the person's name and a either a little bit about the person, why they are special to us, or why they couldn't make it.

My Mummy, Kim, is always the first person I put on the board. My first time @ camp after she passed, (about a year later), I couldn't get 5 words out of my mouth before I had to sit back down and just finish crying, whilst Catrina finished my speech.

The 2nd time, I managed to get a bit further. The third time, this last time, I managed to finish my speech, whilst crying.

There have been 5 LG camps since Kim passed, and we are coming up on the 6th. I've been to the last 3 in a row, and a total of 4 all together.

If I get the privledge of going again this spring (financial issues) I will continue my tradtion of placing a memory stary for Kim, but in the mean time...

This is Kim's online permanent memory star.

From a little girl, to her mummy that she loved so much.

-HuGgLeS-

-Piper/PiggilyTails/The Girl With a SMILE!

Messages from Kim...

Pickles and I recently went to see Disney/Pixar's "Up!" in Disney Digital 3D...

First off, don't go see that movie with anyone you are afraid or uncomfortable crying in front of.

YOU WILL CRY...

So will they...

I saw grown up "Macho" men, walking out of that theater, wiping their eyes.

It's a SAD, yet HAPPY movie at the same time.

To me, it seemed almost a like a message from Kim.

I won't give you specifics about the plot, but I am going to relay the message I got from the film.

If you haven't seen it yet, consider yourself warned.

Possible Spoiler warning.

10

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1

And the message I got out of the film, and was stated atleast once, was "Thanks for the adventure of a lifetime, now go have another" or in other words, stop sitting around thinking about me, and go have fun.

I try to have fun.

Sometimes.

I do think of her an awful lot tho.

I don't think that will ever change.

In fact, despite wanting to belive this was a message from Kim, I doubt I'm going to change much.

I love her. I won't just "Move On". I will try to add more Kim like activities in my life, to try and remember her in a healthy way. I will try to leave the house more than once a week... But I won't "move on".

-HuGgLeS-

-P/KAF

-The one drowing in a puddle full of tears....

Ringy Tones...

I have no clue if this should be here, or in my personal blog... But it has a bit to do with both, so I will post it here...

When Kim was admitted to the Hospital in Febuary 2008, I was a couple of short days from getting a new phone.

I bought that phone the day before she went into surgery.

As always comes w/ new phones, I had to transfer all my stuff from one to another, set ringtones, and set everything up.

When I did all that, I set a personalized ringtone for Kim...

At first I put "One Week" by BNL (Barnaked Ladies) because of the lyrics "It's been, One week since you looked at me" which was a inside joke kinda that she'd been in the hospital for a week or so.

When she didn't come home right after the surgery, and things started to look like they would take longer to get better, I changed her ringtone.

Kim and I both loved BNL. She's the one that really got me in to listening and HEARING their music. Understanding a lot of the undertones, and thinking more than about the pretty sounds.

The song I chose for Kim's ringtone was one that still makes me cry everytime I think about it, hear it, or anything.

The song is "Falling For The First Time" by Barenaked Ladies.

Because everytime I think about her, every time I see a picture of her, always... AWLAYS...

No matter how much time passes, I feel just as much love for her, as I did when I first met her.

She wasn't my biological mommy.

But what we had was even more special.

She CHOSE to be my mommy.

I CHOSE to be her little girl.

Some people say, there is no love stronger that that of a Mother and her Biological mother.

I counter that, and say that Mine and Kim's love for each other, would over shadow any other love in the universe.

I MISS HER SO MUCH!

-P/KAF/PT

-The Lonely Girl, with the streams of tears....

When Kim was in the hospital...

 We used to do several things to benchmark her lucidity... Most of them would only make sense to a few people... I would do things like ask Kim, "What's the Punxatawny Phil Movie" (Groundhogs Day, with Bill Murry) or "What is the HappyFace'd CD I like" (Songs from an American Movie, Vol1. by Everclear. There was a 2nd CD with a Sad face on it I believe).

Now Kim was a MOVIE GEEK extreme... She had seen all the classics. Most the B-Rated movies, and just was a fountain of knowledge for Hollywood and general movie industry trivia.... And over time, she learned how to associate things like songs with the way things looked, or how you felt the last time you heard them... Because my mind is just weird like that.

N-E-Ways, based on if she could answer these questions at all, or how long it took her to, we were able to gauge her lucidity... The doctors used to ask her questions like "Who is that" and point to me or Bill... She NEVER got those questions wrong... Sometimes, she managed to call bill Pickles or Sir P. which confused the doctors... Or call me Kirstyn when I certainly didn't look like a Kirstyn... But hey... She always knew whom we were... And she always remembered Wendy whom was unable to be around due to her own illness... But it was funny... She could think she was in a military base, or being attacked by aliens... And she would always know Bill, Me and Wendy... 

-Sighs-

I miss her More and More lately.

-HuGgLeS-

-P/KAF/PT/The girl in the corner with the sad anime eyes....

A whole new blog...

This blog is called Kimflections.... I plan to use it, as a place to post info about the MOST wonderfull person I ever had the chance to know. Kimberly Elizabeth Fox, known to many in the TG Fiction communities as KimEM was a wonderfull person, whom chose to share many parts of her life with me.

I can't promise to update this blog often... Well I could, but I am trying to keep my promises...

The need for this blog (in my mind atleast) came when I realized that my blog ( http://geekyblog.blogspot.com ) was alot less GEEKY than it had been in the past, and had basically become the Encylopedia Kimtanica(R)

N-E-Ways. no real content today, I just wanted to get this set up before I realized it was just another project for me to not finish.

-HuGgLeS-
-Piper